How To Summon A Demon

Are you stirred by the supernatural? Are you obsessed with the occult? If so, you might be interested in inviting a demonic presence into your life.  Unfortunately they haven’t invented an app for this yet, so to summon a demon you need to undergo the age-old ritual required to meet the monster.

YOU WILL NEED:

  • A quiet place, preferably indoors and dark
  • Good-quality incense
  • Black or red candles. If you have difficulty obtaining these, dark blue or grey will do
  • A group of people
  • “Tangible objects” (optional, see Pro Tip #1)

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Mmm, satanic.

STEP 1: Do your research. 

Before you sit down with a page of Latin chants, brush up on your general knowledge of all things occult. Don’t make contact unless you really want their help. Summoning a demon isn’t like asking for the manager at Maccas — if you want an expert in murdering gym teachers, look for the right demon for the job. They’re more likely to respond to your call if you use their name, so make sure to familiarise yourself with their Wikipedia article before you begin.

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Knowledge is power.

It’s important to remember that demons are often considered “evil” for a reason — they’re very powerful, and if you don’t do enough reading beforehand they could trick you into making a poor decision. It’s like calling up Foxtel to cancel your subscription: if you don’t rehearse your speeches, before you know it you’re signing a contract for the Sports Pack in your own blood.

STEP 2: Prepare yourself.

Once you’ve mastered the basics, it’s time to make a plan.  Work out what you’re going to say to the demon, and have an escape route ready. Set up the room with plenty of candles and incense, and cover all the windows. Move breakable and valuable items to a different room. Assemble a group of people to complete the ritual with you – the more people present, the more likely the demon is to answer your call. Contrary to popular belief, you do not need a blood sacrifice to attract a demon, though you may with to prepare something in return such as a physical item or a promise you intend to keep. A demon may be more willing to help you if they can see your interaction will benefit them as well as yourself.

Write your summons on clean paper — don’t print it out, even if you find it online. The summons can be in Latin (the native language of the demons) or English, or any other language if you prefer. It doesn’t need to follow any specific template, but like any message it works best if it’s clear and concise. Summoning a demon is a bit like leaving a Voicemail – a simple “This is X, call me back when you can,” is much better than “I wanted to talk to you about episode 10 of Thirteen Reasons Why. I cannot believe Hannah did that to Clay! Did you see it coming?”

PRO TIP #1: You may also wish to set up “tangible objects” that can be moved or knocked over by the demon to show its presence. Curtains that can be ruffled without letting in light are great, but items like books, small decorative objects and unlit candles can also work.

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While a chess board with glass pieces may have lots of items for the demon to scatter, there’s a good chance it’ll be broken by the end of the night. 

STEP 3: Complete the ritual.

Wait until nightfall to begin your ritual. Light all your candles and incense. Join hands with your fellow summoners and perform your summons. Demons communicate through thoughts, but many people prefer to speak their speech aloud. If you feel the demon’s presence, give them a formal welcome and begin your discussion.

When you are ready for the demon to leave, perform the exit part of your ritual. If a demon does not arrive, perform it anyway. Much like a vampire or a party guest, once you have invited them into your home a demon won’t leave unless you tell it to. Be firm, but not rude — demons respond well to respectful people.

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Unity among the summoners is vital to a successful ritual.

After the ritual is completed, take a moment to recover; speaking to a demon can be very intense.  Only when you’re ready should you let go of each others’ hands and begin tidying up the area. Make sure you speak to your fellow summoners about how you feel the summons went, and if anyone is willing to do it again another time. Don’t speak ill of the demon if you had an unpleasant experience, as it may still be watching you.

Difficulty rating: three out of five pentagrams.

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5 thoughts on “How To Summon A Demon

  1. Great tips! When I was nineteen I summoned Dantalion, the Duke of Faces, to make a pact: if he helped me get laid in the ensuing twelve weeks I would loan him my soul for a year. Alas, no dice. Despite his wings the fiend was a terrible wing man, and my eternal soul and v-plates remained frustratingly intact.

    I ‘d thought that my Google-translated Latin must have been dodgy, but thanks to this post I realise that my problem was a total lack of incense, candles or even a tangible object. Even worse, I spilled those blood drops into the pewter chalice for nothing!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for the light reading. Good to know that sacrifice is redundant in the 21st Century. I’ll file this away for when my good luck and dumb luck fail me and my tin ass turns to rust.
    Thanks for the tip about valuables, claiming on insurance is such a pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great instructions… Unfortunately I seem to have messed up somewhere whilst trying to summon Tharizdun; the Chained God. Instead of the Eater of Worlds, I just got a very skinny Tiefling wrapped head to toe in a bizarre BDSM leather outfit. He won’t leave me alone and keeps insisting that I attend Hitler’s fetish party with him. Help! He’s drinking me dry of all my delicious mead!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for the concise advice about how to be a courteous demon summoner! Last time I summoned a demon I got nervous and rambled on in bad Latin. It was embarrassing for both us. Next time I’ll take your tip and prepare a message earlier.

    Like

  5. Actually, I’m surprised they don’t have an app for this yet. This reminds me of the old seance around the ouija board. Do people still do that? I know it’s a different thing, that summoning dead people is not the same as summoning demons, but even harmless spirits are too scary for me. Yes, this is funny, but I still might need to leave the light on when I go to sleep tonight.

    Liked by 1 person

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